Well said, Elizabeth! I feel this part in particular while caring for my mother who has Alzheimer's from a distance, "For the record, there is no hell like the hell of worrying about and trying to care for a sick or aging family member from five time zones away."
I’m so sorry about your mom. I feel for you, and understand the immense stress you must be under. Caring for my parents almost broke me. But know that you’re not alone. There’s lots of us on the same journey. 💚
I ditched Australia for Spain and I think it did fix me. This slower and simpler life is the bees knees. So although I appreciate your article…I don’t agree. I’m ten years in.
Funny, but I've always harbored a secret thought that Australia was the best of the English language countries to live in. That is, if one can overlook the poisonous spider and snake situation (which I cannot). But, of course, that's the view from afar. Glad you've made Spain your home.
The core is something that I resonate so much: you bring yourself everywhere you go!
However, I would like to share my experience on the topic, you might find it interesting.
Europe is a very vaste continent and you seem to consider a very romanticised and problematic portion of it: the southern countries.
Southern countries like Italy and Portugal are indeed full of (not so hidden) issues, like lack of job opportunities and bad infrastructure.
I am very surprised to hear that people would be interested in a US passport, as we are very proud of our European one (no matter which country are we from), but we do dream of better job opportunities and a lifestyle that doesn’t push us to burnout just to barely pay our rent. Not just this, but not all of us embrace that passionate being-in-everyone-business community society. Some of us are individualistic loners :)
Have you ever been to Northern (really northern) Europe?
Moving there did solve things for me, because “myself” wasn’t able to thrive where I was born.
The beautiful thing of having the privilege of moving around the world, is that you don’t have to stick with a culture or a lifestyle that doesn’t resonate with you just because you were born in it.
Thank you for your delightful response! I actually do live on the continent (and have for decades), currently in Switzerland. Although not exactly like the Scandinavian countries, Switzerland shares much of the same love of organization and a well-run civic life. When I wrote this, I wasn't trying to make a point about Europe as it is for Europeans, and that's all holders of an EU passport, but more for the Americans who longed to come over here without understanding that it's a place, like any other, with it's own problems and populated with real people, not cute little garden gnomes. I was also, although I don't think I made this point that well, trying to say that if you come here with a US salary or a US stock portfolio, then you are going to have a very different experience from the people who live here--and that makes you kind of a colonialist.
Elizabeth, this is such a refreshing and brutally honest take on the fantasy of moving abroad as a solution for life’s problems. It resonates with me on a deeper level, especially when viewed through the lens of the global migration experience. Coming from Afghanistan, I’ve seen firsthand how many people romanticise certain destinations—whether it’s Europe, the US, or even Australia—without understanding the complexity of starting over.
For Afghans, migration is often a matter of survival, not choice. We aren’t fleeing to romantic vineyards in Tuscany or quaint Parisian flats—we’re fleeing war, oppression, and the suffocation of opportunity. The idea that people would voluntarily leave a place like the US or UK, with all the privileges that come with their passports, to “escape” feels so foreign to many Afghans. Those privileges are precisely what so many of us fight for and often never obtain.
When the Taliban returned in 2021, the reality of "escaping" hit differently. For Afghan women, many of whom had built successful careers and gained hard-fought freedoms, exile didn’t feel like a new adventure—it felt like mourning the death of a life we’d built. And yet, the ones who fled to places like Europe or the US didn’t go to find themselves; they went to rebuild themselves. That difference is crucial.
You mention that privilege allows many to run away to Europe, but I’d argue that privilege also allows them to return home. For Afghan refugees, there is no "return." The idea of picking up where we left off is impossible when what we left behind has been destroyed. We aren’t ex-pats seeking wine by the sea. We’re immigrants trying to carve out a future, knowing that the people left behind would give anything to be where we are, no matter how hard the road ahead may be.
Your point about contribution really hits home for me. Many of us—my family included—have dedicated ourselves and sacrificed so much to making our new communities in the UK better, not just because we’re grateful but because we understand that real growth isn’t about escape, but about building something meaningful where you are.
Thank you for writing this. It’s a reminder that privilege is not just about what we have but what we’re willing to acknowledge and how we choose to use it.
This is such an important viewpoint, Shabnam, thank you for writing it. Your story and those of other political refugees and immigrants needs to be shared and understood—especially now, when politicians around the world are fanning the flames of fear against the other for their own political purposes.
I’ve lived all over the world, and travelled extensively. I read both yours and Kristin’s piece, and I agree with both of you. Moving will not solve anything. If you can’t find contentment where you are today, you won’t find it elsewhere because ultimately, it comes from you, and the one thing you can never leave behind is yourself. Also, yes, our status as Americans makes even migrations an incredibly privileged experience (I’m the daughter of immigrants and my husband is an immigrant, we’re familiar with the immigrant story). As Americans, we’ll always have more money and more opportunity (maybe not always, let’s see what happens in the next four years).
However, it’s possible to think about your priorities in life and decide that a specific country doesn’t fit those priorities. For example, you may not care to acquire any more wealth or move anywhere in your career, and are instead focused on living somewhere with better community. Currently my husband and I are looking at places that will afford our family the opportunity to access the world for less money (so Europe, so that we can travel more with our kids), while I can still serve my US clients and my husband can serve in ministry. We have specific goals in mind for this season of life, and know the a US existence won’t be conducive to those goals. It’s not about more happiness, it’s about the life we’re choosing for the moment.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I especially value the perspective of those (or their families) who’ve immigrated once already. There is a certain kind of clarity that comes from experience. It seems like you are well on the path to finding and making the kind of life you and your family want.
This sounds a bit off. I get the point but you make it sound like people in Europe would gladly move to the great USA but we, as locals, just have to endure living here. Sounds very Republican, and you don't seem like one.
Absolutely, there are differences between Europe and America, and some of them are in favor of the US. Does that make Europe worse by comparison? You seem to think it does, but I don’t.
"While those who remained did so because it was less awful to fail in Rome or Paris"
Yep! I'm on year 16 outside the States, having spent it equally between Latin America and Europe. I can't afford the US, I have nothing to go back to, and by being abroad I have a reason for not fitting in, even if I always try to.
A lot of Americans come to Europe and try to impose their vision and beliefs on the locals, like Elon is trying to do with politics. I hate these people.
It’s natural to resent colonial behavior. I would just put Elon in a separate class: while the others of which you speak are rude and confused about their role as guests in another country, Elon is dangerous.
This is all true and a small town isn’t ideal for me. Right now I want to stay in the US to help my refugee neighbors through this crap wall of a time but I got dual citizenship in the EU and what calls me there is the transportation. I can’t drive and no where in the US lives up to European public transportation. I could get all over in from rural towns and across the continent by bus and train. I’m so stuck as a disabled non driver here to a very small amount of places. I don’t line the racism in Europe and lack of owning up to colonialism and neo colonialism. I think the challenges of living abroad are tough but ebb and flow.
I am a bit late to the party, but I complete get where this is coming from on s personal level. It is romanticized view of another country without really going into depth of realization what life over there actually is.
I was faced with the same decision stay in my European county or move to the States. And at first I had that 'why not' belief, even though I was aware of some of the issues I would face over there thanks to social media and mass media, I still had rose colored glasses on. Because I imagined it like a movie reel instead of looking at it realistically. Because I know I'm not fit for grind and hustle culture.
And to be fair, my country has a lot of issues, but once they are all put on a scale, it just seemed like such a better option to stay and have my husband with me here. There are always challenges wherever we are, but the list of pros were just better here while the cons were worse for there.
It's just about truly thinking, planning and realizing what it takes to live somewhere.
It’s never too late for thoughtful comments like yours. You raise an interesting point: temperament plays a role in our ability (or inability) to successfully transplant ourselves, and it’s often not a thing people are aware of until after they’ve moved.
I liked it too. An apropos alternative title could've been: A cottage industry that sells the dream (since she started by talking about the failed farmhouse, but then the article would need to focus on CBI - citizenship by investment, or something similar). In that case it might as well just be called "We can't all be Martijn Doolaard" (https://www.youtube.com/@MartijnDoolaard), even though I wouldn't mind it!
Married a Frenchman almost 40 years ago. We were 11 years in Paris, then expats for twenty and now we are back. France is a mess. Do not move here. The politics are an absolute disaster, as is the tax situation, and a part from Paris, most places in France have become medical deserts. No longer the European Dream.
Well said, Elizabeth! I feel this part in particular while caring for my mother who has Alzheimer's from a distance, "For the record, there is no hell like the hell of worrying about and trying to care for a sick or aging family member from five time zones away."
I’m so sorry about your mom. I feel for you, and understand the immense stress you must be under. Caring for my parents almost broke me. But know that you’re not alone. There’s lots of us on the same journey. 💚
Thank you, Elizabeth. Appreciate that. I’m definitely cracked wide open, but it has also made me appreciate the little joys in life so much more…
I ditched Australia for Spain and I think it did fix me. This slower and simpler life is the bees knees. So although I appreciate your article…I don’t agree. I’m ten years in.
Funny, but I've always harbored a secret thought that Australia was the best of the English language countries to live in. That is, if one can overlook the poisonous spider and snake situation (which I cannot). But, of course, that's the view from afar. Glad you've made Spain your home.
Hi Elizabeth 🤍
thank you so much for sharing this piece.
The core is something that I resonate so much: you bring yourself everywhere you go!
However, I would like to share my experience on the topic, you might find it interesting.
Europe is a very vaste continent and you seem to consider a very romanticised and problematic portion of it: the southern countries.
Southern countries like Italy and Portugal are indeed full of (not so hidden) issues, like lack of job opportunities and bad infrastructure.
I am very surprised to hear that people would be interested in a US passport, as we are very proud of our European one (no matter which country are we from), but we do dream of better job opportunities and a lifestyle that doesn’t push us to burnout just to barely pay our rent. Not just this, but not all of us embrace that passionate being-in-everyone-business community society. Some of us are individualistic loners :)
Have you ever been to Northern (really northern) Europe?
Moving there did solve things for me, because “myself” wasn’t able to thrive where I was born.
The beautiful thing of having the privilege of moving around the world, is that you don’t have to stick with a culture or a lifestyle that doesn’t resonate with you just because you were born in it.
What do you think?
Come to visit us back soon! 🫶🏻🌍
Thank you for your delightful response! I actually do live on the continent (and have for decades), currently in Switzerland. Although not exactly like the Scandinavian countries, Switzerland shares much of the same love of organization and a well-run civic life. When I wrote this, I wasn't trying to make a point about Europe as it is for Europeans, and that's all holders of an EU passport, but more for the Americans who longed to come over here without understanding that it's a place, like any other, with it's own problems and populated with real people, not cute little garden gnomes. I was also, although I don't think I made this point that well, trying to say that if you come here with a US salary or a US stock portfolio, then you are going to have a very different experience from the people who live here--and that makes you kind of a colonialist.
Elizabeth, this is such a refreshing and brutally honest take on the fantasy of moving abroad as a solution for life’s problems. It resonates with me on a deeper level, especially when viewed through the lens of the global migration experience. Coming from Afghanistan, I’ve seen firsthand how many people romanticise certain destinations—whether it’s Europe, the US, or even Australia—without understanding the complexity of starting over.
For Afghans, migration is often a matter of survival, not choice. We aren’t fleeing to romantic vineyards in Tuscany or quaint Parisian flats—we’re fleeing war, oppression, and the suffocation of opportunity. The idea that people would voluntarily leave a place like the US or UK, with all the privileges that come with their passports, to “escape” feels so foreign to many Afghans. Those privileges are precisely what so many of us fight for and often never obtain.
When the Taliban returned in 2021, the reality of "escaping" hit differently. For Afghan women, many of whom had built successful careers and gained hard-fought freedoms, exile didn’t feel like a new adventure—it felt like mourning the death of a life we’d built. And yet, the ones who fled to places like Europe or the US didn’t go to find themselves; they went to rebuild themselves. That difference is crucial.
You mention that privilege allows many to run away to Europe, but I’d argue that privilege also allows them to return home. For Afghan refugees, there is no "return." The idea of picking up where we left off is impossible when what we left behind has been destroyed. We aren’t ex-pats seeking wine by the sea. We’re immigrants trying to carve out a future, knowing that the people left behind would give anything to be where we are, no matter how hard the road ahead may be.
Your point about contribution really hits home for me. Many of us—my family included—have dedicated ourselves and sacrificed so much to making our new communities in the UK better, not just because we’re grateful but because we understand that real growth isn’t about escape, but about building something meaningful where you are.
Thank you for writing this. It’s a reminder that privilege is not just about what we have but what we’re willing to acknowledge and how we choose to use it.
This is such an important viewpoint, Shabnam, thank you for writing it. Your story and those of other political refugees and immigrants needs to be shared and understood—especially now, when politicians around the world are fanning the flames of fear against the other for their own political purposes.
I’ve lived all over the world, and travelled extensively. I read both yours and Kristin’s piece, and I agree with both of you. Moving will not solve anything. If you can’t find contentment where you are today, you won’t find it elsewhere because ultimately, it comes from you, and the one thing you can never leave behind is yourself. Also, yes, our status as Americans makes even migrations an incredibly privileged experience (I’m the daughter of immigrants and my husband is an immigrant, we’re familiar with the immigrant story). As Americans, we’ll always have more money and more opportunity (maybe not always, let’s see what happens in the next four years).
However, it’s possible to think about your priorities in life and decide that a specific country doesn’t fit those priorities. For example, you may not care to acquire any more wealth or move anywhere in your career, and are instead focused on living somewhere with better community. Currently my husband and I are looking at places that will afford our family the opportunity to access the world for less money (so Europe, so that we can travel more with our kids), while I can still serve my US clients and my husband can serve in ministry. We have specific goals in mind for this season of life, and know the a US existence won’t be conducive to those goals. It’s not about more happiness, it’s about the life we’re choosing for the moment.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I especially value the perspective of those (or their families) who’ve immigrated once already. There is a certain kind of clarity that comes from experience. It seems like you are well on the path to finding and making the kind of life you and your family want.
This sounds a bit off. I get the point but you make it sound like people in Europe would gladly move to the great USA but we, as locals, just have to endure living here. Sounds very Republican, and you don't seem like one.
Absolutely, there are differences between Europe and America, and some of them are in favor of the US. Does that make Europe worse by comparison? You seem to think it does, but I don’t.
I needed to hear this on many levels. Brilliant piece. Thank you.
Thanks for reading, Sky.
"While those who remained did so because it was less awful to fail in Rome or Paris"
Yep! I'm on year 16 outside the States, having spent it equally between Latin America and Europe. I can't afford the US, I have nothing to go back to, and by being abroad I have a reason for not fitting in, even if I always try to.
A lot of Americans come to Europe and try to impose their vision and beliefs on the locals, like Elon is trying to do with politics. I hate these people.
It’s natural to resent colonial behavior. I would just put Elon in a separate class: while the others of which you speak are rude and confused about their role as guests in another country, Elon is dangerous.
I agree!
Loved this piece!
This is all true and a small town isn’t ideal for me. Right now I want to stay in the US to help my refugee neighbors through this crap wall of a time but I got dual citizenship in the EU and what calls me there is the transportation. I can’t drive and no where in the US lives up to European public transportation. I could get all over in from rural towns and across the continent by bus and train. I’m so stuck as a disabled non driver here to a very small amount of places. I don’t line the racism in Europe and lack of owning up to colonialism and neo colonialism. I think the challenges of living abroad are tough but ebb and flow.
Not having to drive is freedom. Welcome back. I’ll see you on the bus!
It might though.
I am a bit late to the party, but I complete get where this is coming from on s personal level. It is romanticized view of another country without really going into depth of realization what life over there actually is.
I was faced with the same decision stay in my European county or move to the States. And at first I had that 'why not' belief, even though I was aware of some of the issues I would face over there thanks to social media and mass media, I still had rose colored glasses on. Because I imagined it like a movie reel instead of looking at it realistically. Because I know I'm not fit for grind and hustle culture.
And to be fair, my country has a lot of issues, but once they are all put on a scale, it just seemed like such a better option to stay and have my husband with me here. There are always challenges wherever we are, but the list of pros were just better here while the cons were worse for there.
It's just about truly thinking, planning and realizing what it takes to live somewhere.
It’s never too late for thoughtful comments like yours. You raise an interesting point: temperament plays a role in our ability (or inability) to successfully transplant ourselves, and it’s often not a thing people are aware of until after they’ve moved.
1000%
Same. How’s the transition back to the US going?
I just moved back to the US after living in England for 20 years. I love Europe; I sure do wish it was the Utopia Americans think it is.
This is a great title.
I liked it too. An apropos alternative title could've been: A cottage industry that sells the dream (since she started by talking about the failed farmhouse, but then the article would need to focus on CBI - citizenship by investment, or something similar). In that case it might as well just be called "We can't all be Martijn Doolaard" (https://www.youtube.com/@MartijnDoolaard), even though I wouldn't mind it!
Thanks! It comes from personal experience.
Married a Frenchman almost 40 years ago. We were 11 years in Paris, then expats for twenty and now we are back. France is a mess. Do not move here. The politics are an absolute disaster, as is the tax situation, and a part from Paris, most places in France have become medical deserts. No longer the European Dream.
Totally agree. The tax situation is why we aren’t there—as much as we love France we can’t afford to live there.
Right?! It's hard to explain to people, but the tax burden is real.