Elizabeth, standing ovation. 👏🏼👏🏼 Moving to Europe does not solve your problems.
1.) I'm married to a French man and spoke some French when I arrived in France, but this has been one of the most challenging, isolating, and stressful experiences of my life. *And I used to work politics in DC!*.
2.) The "European Dream" industrial complex omits issues like cultural difference (the cultures are more different than people let on...), language barriers, loneliness, homesickness. Americans will be surprised at how much France is a relatively "closed" culture (do not come for me in the comments- this is well-documented.)
3.) They don't mention the pesky fact that European salaries are, on average, far lower than American. The best way to "live the European dream" is to get rich in America then move overseas!
4.) When they boast of "free" services like healthcare and daycare they don't mention the eye-watering tax rates in most European countries. (Not starting a political war on here, this is a fact.)
5.) Do you like a takeout salad on occasion? Clothes dyers? Air conditioning? Target? TJ Maxx? You'll be SOL in most of Europe.
6.) Last, and not least, when you move to Europe, you will bring your insecurities, anxieties, sensitive issues, and anything else you might be working on.
I'm not sharing this to put down Europe, start an online war about healthcare policy, or put down anyone's dream or experience.
But for God's sake, moving to Europe will not solve your problems.
> 6.) Last, and not least, when you move to Europe, you will bring your insecurities, anxieties, sensitive issues, and anything else you might be working on.
Points 1 to 5 can be summarized in this one.
If someone has problems with "smaller salary, more tax, cultural differences" or the lack of "takeout salad and Target" they probably shouldn't even have left their hometown, much less leave the US for Europe.
The whole point of coming to Europe would be to be satsified with smaller salary and cultural differences, or to understand the point of more tax, and to leave behind the mall and the Target lifestyle...
Michelle, its great that you are happy with that! It sounds like you're loving life here in Europe. :)
The point is that some Americans, not all, think they will import their American life into Europe. And there is an influencer-memoir industry that doesn't give them the full picture.
Maybe what I observe in Paris is a heightened sense of this.
I’m living in a small town in the middle of Illinois. What I’m longing for is to live in the Netherlands, which is where my husband is from, because I’ve seen first-hand how much better life is there.
True but in Italy, for example, huge shopping centers are very popular, like CineCittà in Rome -- you can park there, and in some cities, they organize transportation to malls during heatwaves for the elderly because they are air conditioned. These malls are owned by EU politicians, and big distribution is going strong. I live in two places, in Rome & in a village of 5000 people. In my proletarian Rome neighborhood, in my housing block of 500 apartments, most people, since lockdown, have their groceries delivered from Esselunga. and do a huge amount of shopping for just anything else on Amazon. (because it's cheaper) When I first moved there, there were four butchers, 3 greengrocers, and 3 general alimentari + bakery, and an outdoor market all on my street. Now 1 butcher, 1 general alimentary, 2 greengrocers with wilted produce, and at the market 1 vegetable stall, 1 butcher, and a fishmonger 3 times a week. Take out isn't common (except pizza) BUT the local alimentari has a huge prepared food section: with spinach or chicory, quiches, fried foods, stuffed tomatoes, lasagne, etc. where I see many of my neighbors buy their food. I don't though. We do everything homemade, still. Uber eats has become popular too, since the lockdown. We tried it once, and I got food poisoning....
Yes, some of those places are getting Americanized as time goes by. And not necessarily by choice (huge comglomerates like Amazon burst in undercutting the local merchants by losing money until they destroy the competition, local businesses are targetted by exorbitant taxes and regulations that kill them, plus of course the Americanized way of working and lack of work life balance is spreading like cancer, also helped by new neoliberal laws and employer attitudes).
I know we’re supposed to shun Amazon for the reasons you mentioned, but aside from food shopping and local artisans and repairmen (now in Italy mostly Romanians), I have always found the offerings in small stores near me and often in the center of Rome, absolutely wanting. If I need a pair of shoes, or a swimsuit, or a new handbag, or a pair of good looking pants, without spending over 150 euros, I can’t find anything. They won’t have the color, or the size, or the brand. Or it’s crappy made in China.
I had a demanding job and household to run, plus I was a commuter for 22 years, with a 4-6 hour commute. I didn't have a lot of time for shopping.
However, I find that on Amazon, a third party seller will have just 1 pair of FinnComfort shoes in my size, discounted from what I’d pay in the shop, if indeed there were a shop near me selling that brand, which there isn’t. Third party sellers are often just ordinary people, buying up left over stock from stores and other outlets and reselling it on Amazon, trying to make a living. Other times, third party sellers are actually small businesses located in other areas of Italy who have stock to ged rid of and will sell it more cheaply than in a physical store, and once you know the seller, and have seen they're trustworthy, you can buy from them directly.
Those decrying Amazon as an example of what Americans are ‘doing to Italy’ have never been (a woman) in Italy trying to find size 11 shoes, an obscure non-Italian ingredient, a steady supply of food for a cat with kidney disease, or bags to fit your the vacuum cleaner you bought at the mom-and-pop shop in your town that closed 3 yrs ago.
I could write, as the Italians say, “un poema” on the subject of vacuum cleaner bags, AC filters, & replacement parts. There was a shop that sold those things near my Rome flat — but never, ever the right model number. They closed down too.
YUP! And on the NOTE of take-out...isn't that more of the ISOLATION Problem that I see here everyday in California - nobody wants to talk to anybody - so in a way TAKE_OUT is another way to isolate ourselves
European here. If you just wanted US-lifestyle but in a place with greater cultural cachet and nice old towns, you wont find the former here. We have our own way of life. It's not a weekend retreat, it's a culture and lifestyle (several, in fact, but all different to US one, which is the point).
First talking about 'Europe' like it was all one massive country with 'south of France vibes' is weird as heck. I'm European by origin but not in a way anyone in these comments would recognize as European-European. Europe has a LOT of different places with a LOT of different rules, and vibes, and economic situations.
In order to be happy living in Europe you have to first realize there is no 'European culture'. Like sure there are common points but it definitely makes a difference are you looking to move to, like, Serbia, or Poland, or Austria, or France, or Spain. These are all going to be very different lives. (If anyone is shopping around I recommend Austria or Spain).
People going 'but there's no TJ Maxx!!!!' really shouldn't go.
People who think living in an apartment is 'being cooped up and they could never' definitely shouldn't go.
1: I moved to Vienna as Austria shut down for covid. Isolating, stressful as an older person? Learning German is very hard, but in Vienna, many people speak English, which actually makes it harder to learn German because people like to practice their English. Plus, translator apps!
2. Yes language. Austrians have a reputation as well for not making friends with outsiders - they have plenty of friends already from childhood on. I managed to make friends through volunteering. I have 4 Austrian friends who are the loveliest people.
3. I'm living on Social Security, with a little supplemental TIAA, and I would not have been able to afford to live in any US city on this amount. Not only does the private housing market offer lovely small one-room flats; for those who qualify, Vienna offers housing at actually affordable rates for perhaps one-third or more of its citizens and has done since the mid-1920s. The city owns the properties; in Boston, rich developers develop luxury properties and set aside a certain number for "affordable" purchase or rent with some formula for calculating what they think is "affordable." I'd pay twice as much there for my flat, if such a small perfect flat existed at all, which it doesn't. I pay 20 euros for my phone plan and 20 euros for internet. My Austrian friends who are all still working don't complain about their salaries and have lovely lives full of activity. A couple from Scotland who worked and lived in Austria for more than 20 years have retired here, after bringing their children, now adults, up here as well.
4. I have Austrian health care, for which I pay a small amount roughly equivalent to what I would pay for the scam that is Medicare Supplemental. I had free flu shots and covid shots and covid tests and mandated proof that I had the shots to be able to go to restaurants during the worst time and mandated masking on public transportation until April 2022 or 2023. And yes, I am benefitting from the taxes paid by Viennese and Austrians for the outstanding public transportation system. A friend with a young child appreciated the free kindergarten that enabled her to work full time and her partner to go to university, which is also free. I welcomed not having a car; it's not needed. I can walk to grocery stores, pharmacies, a post office, just for starters. I have not heard anyone complain here, though I'm sure there are those who do, but even the right wing parties know enough to keep hands off the things that make the city livable.
5. I struggle with lack of air conditioning, but the number of restaurants with outdoor seating surpasses anything I ever saw in the US and even other European cities. When it's really hot, or not, I have many choices of outdoor swimming pools or swimming in the Alte Donau, a kind of lake with areas that require a small fee and have changing rooms, showers, and a restaurant, or open areas that the city has improved. Today it's supposed to be 90 degrees so I'm likely to go there. I bought a portable air conditioner for my flat last year. I hadn't used clothes dryers in the US for about 20 years except occasionally, so I was used to and committed to the practice of air drying, which saves electricity. I overspent on delivered meals this month because of the heat, that did keep me in my flat with AC running an inordinate number of days. Target? I love me some Target. I was in the US in January and visited one to get a SIM card, cruised around, and saw that I did not miss it. There's TKMaxx here and in other European cities, and brands that are not in the US. Even as a larger sized person, I've had no trouble finding cute stuff to wear, and I am two Ubahn stops from a great IKEA, downsized for the city, with a rooftop bar with views.
6. Oh gosh, I've taken my insecurities, anxieties, sensitive issues, preferences, dislikes all over the place with me. I lived in Boston, Newton in MA; Providence RI; the Bay Area in CA; Rochester and Rhinebeck NY. I lived in Greece for two 3-month periods. I'm 70 and postmenopausal, have experienced depression throughout my life, and even at my worst moments here have not even considered going back.
My purpose here is simply to offer another perspective. The tone of the piece and of your comment, Ellie, is as if everyone who comes to Europe is a deluded drunk and a takeout salad isn't available anywhere - rather absolutist. No need to argue; it's just my experience and the experience of the people I know.
Thought I'd add my own two cents, because I was put off by the tone of this piece, though I do not disagree that there's an entire industry of influencers peddling a dream that can mislead people who move to Europe with unrealistic expectations or for the wrong reasons. None of them were a factor in my deciding to move to Portugal as I didn't pay much attention to them in the first place.
I am also disabled, and had I stayed in the U.S. I'd have become homeless or more likely died long ago. Moving to Portugal was the best decision I ever made, and while there have undoubtedly been the challenges of bureaucracy and unfamiliar language and culture to work through, these are far less distressing and life threatening than the challenges I faced in the U.S.
I didn't come here to be fixed as I'm not what needs fixing, the U.S. is, and after a lifetime of fighting for change and on the brink of personal annihilation, I came to the conclusion that I can't do anything to affect change if I'm dead, so I came here to survive another day and to do what I can with what's left of my broken body and mind to press for necessary change from a place of safety and healing. I enjoy stronger community and more of a sense of purpose and meaning here than I ever did in the U.S.
Is Europe better for every American who comes? Certainly not, and there are many kinds of Americans I very much do not want to come here. Is it exactly what some of us want and need? You bet. Broad-brush painting is for walls.
Laurie, its wonderful that you found a place where life, and retirement, works for you.
The point is that there is an influencer-memoir industry that does not offer people a full picture of life in Europe.
Of not, I agree that the US has some very serious issues with inflation, cost of living, social security, all of which make life difficult for young and old.
Perhaps it is because I live in Paris, but every day (yes every day), I see on Facebook people posting about how they want to “live the Parisian dream” with no language skills, business/work plan, or experience with French culture.
I wish them success, but life, as always, is worlds away from what marketers are selling.
ETA, " A friend with a young child appreciated the free kindergarten that enabled her to work full time and her partner to go to university, which is also free." Those items are paid for by people with jobs who pay taxes. They are not free for people who work.
They are available to everyone. It’s what a civilized society commits to—the wellbeing of all children. I get your point but have most often seen this kind of clarification from the right wing.
Although I love the cultures, architecture, food, etc in Europe, the thing I REALLY wish the U.S. would copy is having basic services paid for by everyone. Young parents can’t always afford daycare, and this harms not just the individual family but society as a whole. It’s a major expense that most young people just starting out a career can’t afford, so they delay having children or don’t have them at all, or the mother sacrifices her career, or the grandmother retires early to fix the crisis (but risks an old age spent in poverty). Same general argument about universities — better for society to shoulder this than individuals. Stop thinking of it as giving away free stuff and start thinking of it as investing in society.
I have zero respect for those three people and I’m very sorry to see that you do. You and I appear to be on opposite sides here — I believe in the dignity of the working poor and middle class and the need for society to work together for the good of all — as tends to happen in Europe. Others believe in protecting the interests of the rich and exploiting the labor of others — as tends to happen in the U.S.
I also deeply disrespect the opinions and ideas of those three and further see and experience the failures of their”policies” in contemporary America after 40 years of neoliberalism. In contrast I see the successes to societies as a whole in countries such as Denmark for one, where the philosophy for the good of the whole is the sociocultural zeitgeist.
“The point is that there is an influencer-memoir industry that does not offer people a full picture of life in Europe.” The article really isn’t about the influencers, it’s about the people who are influenced, and it paints them (us) all with a broad brush. Why not dig deeper? Can’t the experiences of Eliz Gilbert and other authors be authentic and valid at the same time as other people have difficulty. There’s a nugget of an idea that you have. Surely one can read a book without deciding to do the same thing as the author? What occurs in people’s heads between the reading and the decision to live abroad? What are the characteristics of people who succeed? What do they do and think that’s different? What about companies like (I think) International Living, which provides advice to people who want to live abroad? I guess I don’t buy the idea that everyone who is moving to Europe or wants to is a deluded alcoholic. The varieties of motivations is what makes people, and phenomena, interesting.
You got the alcoholic thing from the original article, which DID sort of make it feel like all the expats end up drinking in local taverns and not knowing what to do with their lives.
I really appreciate your perspective, I think Europe is so many different things, and living abroad is so many different things, it's definitely worth exploring the question way further than just concluding that 'you will still have issues wherever you move.' Like it's legitimate to want to maybe have different issues. I emigrated (I'm an immigrant instead of expat, hahah) and yes I still have issues, but honestly I genuinely prefer my new issues to my old issues. Would 100% not go back.
My mistake - looks like I lost track of whose article we were discussing, whether you’d restacked, etc. The author of the article we are having this conversation about did indeed write “Just one more of the untold alcoholics, lost souls, and troubled ex-pats I’ve met during my decades abroad.”
I fully subscribe your point 6. Many come to Europe with their problems (mental and emotional) and they continue the same way they did home. They don’t catch the opportunity of their localisation change to improve themselves! They find themselves again in the same isolation as at home!
Thanks, I thought I had blocked you. Boucrih, your comments are often unkind, unhelpful, and you follow me around Substack (creepy). After this, I will double check to make sure you are blocked. And considering I'm *pretty* sure I know who you are, making a special account to stalk me is unhinged...
The loneliness is akin to solitary confinement. And my lord, do I love me some Target and a clothes dryer. Moreover, as David @versaillescentury said, in the end, you take yourself with you wherever you go.
It's not that there's no trade-offs. Virtually everywhere you live has positives and negatives (the trick is to determine which set of positives/negatives work for you at that point in time). But living in Europe can just generally be preferable. It was only when I left North America that I discovered I am not made for the way that North America has decided to develop itself. I need the kind of development that you find in Asia/Europe. That lifestyle so broadly improves my quality of life, and living in a car-obsessed culture so broadly degrades my quality of life, that I have never returned to the United States.
There are a lot of shaky comparisons out there. It's common for people to say things like, "Your salary in the United States is much higher than in Europe". These are often poor points of comparison (your costs in the United States – for education, for health care, for pharmaceuticals, for owning a vehicle or two, for all that overconsumption, for so many things – are also much higher, so you'd better earn more!). Actual differences lie in things like access to public transportation and quality of food, say. When your point of comparison is "I've got a more satisfying job, I can save more, I love learning languages, I run into friends all the time just going about my day, and my 10-minute commute by subway is SO much more preferable to my 90-minute commute by car to a shittier job because I couldn't secure anything else from my place in a suburb outside the city because I could never afford to live downtown, which means I had to pre-plan events to hang out with friends because you'll never just run into someone you know", well, that indicates a drastic change in lifestyle. And in that light, Europe does solve a lot of problems.
"It was only when I left North America that I discovered I am not made for the way that North America has decided to develop itself."
this is so on point!! I've moved the 'wrong' way (from Europe to Canada, to my defense I was in the shitty part of Europe) and I definitely miss the Europe/Asia vibe of city livability. I have a bit here in Montreal which many people say is 'the most European of all the North American cities' but honestly it's only European feeling if you've never seen actual Europe.
Yes, great point about the earning - if you're earning more AND spending more what's the point? Also I find it very weird that so many people are bringing the 'rich Americans, high American salaries' thing into this because that is definitely a small privileged minority who is raking in the money in the States. America has no shortage of poor people, and all those poor people fare far worse than they would in Europe, if they had the means to go there.
Yes, I’ve read a UN report on poverty in rural areas in the US and my the poverty is very striking. What the US has that I don’t believe any other G7/wealthy Western country can match is massive inequality. You can’t focus on how great it is to be wealthy in the US if you don’t also include how awful it is to be poor. At least in Europe, even the poor have doctors.
Yessssss!! This is true. Growing up in my relatively crappy European country I knew there were some people somewhere who must be very rich but it never felt like common working people were a lower class. Everyone lives together in apartment blocks, you may have a bigger or smaller apartment but you won’t have a massive mansion in a gated community, unless you’re an ambassador or really massively wealthy. Actually there are no gated communities as such. The same building will have doctors, lawyers, students, teachers, postal workers.
There are no massive SUVs on the streets, everyone drives a human sized car or takes public transport.
Indeed, life in Europe is different, and much poorer. Though one can 'get by' in big cities (even Paris these days, I hear) by finding the same cultural bubble as exists in New York or Los Angeles or Vancouver and never bothering to integrate, and even get a technical job that will pay you nearly as much (before the enormous taxes) as you'd have made in a decent mid sized American city (and therefore twice as much at least as most of the natives you'll encounter), that is not really a 'European' experience. It also tends to end up with the American migrant importing American cultural issues into Europe, where they don't really fit, and it comes to resemble nothing so much as a soft form of colonialism.
Though I'd argue that it works somewhat the same in reverse, and to a much bigger scale. America and Canada are full of migrants who were essentially sold on a Hollywood lie, and for every high-earning immigrant crushing it in a metropolis there are hundreds or thousands having their lives ground out of them in petrol stations, driving taxis, working under the table in chicken slaughterhouses, living twelve people deep in two-room apartments like it's Whitechapel in 1899, etc, etc. Many of them aren't sure they're any better off than if they'd stayed, though they usually have a great hope, occasionally not in vain, that their children will see a better existence than they'd have been afforded back home.
Migration is hard, integration is even harder, and building a worthy life -- anywhere on the face of the Earth -- is the hardest of all.
If Europe calls to you for one reason or another, then by all means come. But do so in the knowledge that you'll be the suspect foreigner who'll have to prove your worth, you'll have to learn the language and adapt to the culture, you'll have to accept absurdities of bureaucracy and an insane tax burden and the risk of being fined or imprisoned or kicked out for exercising the kinds speech you've taken for granted your entire life. (Flipping an arsehole the bird for cutting you off in traffic can lead to an uncomfortable talk with the police and a hefty fine, for example.)
And, as others have noted, you'll still be yourself. If you're unhappy in Topeka, you'll be unhappy in Tuscany, or Trondheim, or Tours, or Trier. You'll just be unhappy and surrounded by architecture that was old before your country was founded.
Likewise, for someone who has lived overseas for several years, it’s hard resettling and re-culturing back to the states. Or for the migrant or exchange student or non-naturalized person who has “made it” in the U.S., back to their home where their extended family lives.
This complexity is often unseen, especially at the lowest socioeconomic levels—for both non-citizens living in the U.S. and (less common but still there) non-citizen Americans living overseas.
À soft form of colonialism. I love that. How true for many. But there are those of us who love the language, the people, and don’t want to hang out w other expats. It’s wonderful to feel at home at last when you’ve felt out of place in the US most of your life…
I just read your essay "When the Familiar Makes You Strange," thanks for sharing that experience. I can relate. I wanted to reply to my own comment to say reverse culture shock is what makes it hard to go back after investing time. I've found I could connect more with other people in similar situations, having left their country to come to America, when I returned. Their struggles are always different, but similar. American power and wealth factors in. I could meet people like this often in cities, but not in the Rockies. I felt more out of place in the mountain west than I did anywhere.
I think the thing is, wherever you go, if you're present there, it stays with you. You never fully leave.
The last four words of my first comment should've read "Americans living overseas as non-citizens (of whichever country)." I know of several people (non-citizens) in the US caught in the "temporary" gray area, and many US citizens abroad caught in the "temporary" gray area. No one should take for granted having a home to go back to! Even if it makes you feel strange...
Actually, I was far happier living internationally than I ever was at home.
People leave where they are for all kinds of reasons. Maybe some don’t find answers to their problems when they do, and there’s certainly a trade off. But I just want to say that some do. I didn’t find answers to all of my problems, and certainly not the very personal ones, but I found answers to enough. And I finally found space to grow. It was transformative.
This is such a thoughtful and necessary piece. In the end, life is life, wherever you live it, and no place will fix you, no matter how beautiful it is.
My husband and I moved to Italy with two small children almost twenty years ago. We had EU citizenship and he even got a local job, but we just could not make ends meet on a normal Italian salary. After a few more failed tries in Italy, we moved to Amsterdam, where the job market is much better, and it's been a wonderful place to raise our children. But a whole decade later, I still struggle with culture shock and fitting into Dutch society, even though I love so many things about living here. We're finally in a financial position where our jobs are portable and we'll be able to move back to Italy on a solid financial footing. But our children will be staying behind at university in Amsterdam, where I feel much more sanguine about their career prospects than if they came with us to Italy.
So I'm one for whom the European Dream has worked out really well, but it took years and several tries, and so many miles of red tape. It is a lot of work to move abroad, and requires a ton of ingenuity and adaptability, and there are no guarantees you'll be happy where you land. Even if you are happy and don't regret the move, it will be nothing like a vacation to live in Europe. There are tradeoffs like distance from family and learning to live an entirely different way that doesn't include a lot of the comforts and conveniences Americans take for granted.
And it makes me cringe so much when people move to a place and expect it to change to make them more comfortable. There's so much unexamined privilege in the idea of just being able to move where you like. A lot of the strange attitudes you discuss here could be mitigated by people remembering that when you move to another country, you become an immigrant, with all of the challenges and responsibilities that entails.
What makes you think those examples are so rare? Have you got data? This is just your experience but you present it as if it is truth for everyone. Also, is "wherever you go, there you are" such a revelation in the 21st century?
You bring a super important point with the privilege of expats, expecting an equivalent salary and a TJ Maxx to be waiting for them wherever they go, while many probably at the same time have very different ideas and expectations of the immigrants who come to THEIR country, fully expecting them to integrate, be grateful, and take what they get. The elitism of 'expats' always sat wrong with me, and for one reason or another I literally spent my entire life among them. The same way that every place can be weird and difficult, every place can also be great, if you're the sort of person who knows how to make the best of their life. I lived in Japan, in Bangladesh, in Serbia, in Cyprus, in Canada. All pretty different to each other. I have my preferences, but I wouldn't discourage people from trying any of them.
An old and wise friend once asked me when I was a lot younger why the grass was always greener on the other side of the fence. I had no answer. He did: because there's more shit.
We are at the end of our careers in fashion and business. My wife has been a creative director for 2 large European fashion brands with shops all over the world. I am an entrepreneur who set up, managed, sold or liquidated 10 companies around the world. We are in the very fortunate position that we are working on a new project that just the 2 of us can manage without staff from anywhere in the world. Our book "Aesthetic Nomads" will be released globally within the next weeks as the first tangible item of this project.
Over the last 4 years, we have lived abroad for about 4 months per year, working remotely. The idea was to spend time in the places we thought we'd love to live in and buy land to build upon or a house to renovate. These places were: Jose Ignacio in Uruguay, Buenos Aires, Merida in Mexico, Florida, Manhattan, Athens, Puglia, Rome, Tuscany.
We haven't bought anything so far. The chances of us investing abroad are slim. Or rather, non-existent.
Why? Because moving abroad doesn't solve anything. It just creates more problems. It's easy enough to anticipate some of the problems. But what about the ones you cannot calculate the effect of? Cultural issues? Language barriers? Societal issues? Climate change?
Unless you have very compelling reasons to move, or very close connections, you'll always be a stranger in another country. It's interesting in the short term. It becomes a nuisance in the long term. Even as a Belgian, speaking Italian and Spanish, I will not invest and move to Puglia or Andalusia.
My 2 cents of wisdom that I'd like to add to the discussion: unless your location is the problem, you don't solve your problems by moving.
We'll continue to keep our freedom by renting short term in places we think we'll like. Athens is planned for October-November. Next may be LA, or Mexico City, or Japan. Who knows? In between it's Brussels. Home.
Hi, if you might be interested in renting a lovely two bedroom, two bathroom apartment in a local neighborhood in Florence for a few months, I am often needing these days to spend some months back in the US, and would like to find renters for my Florence apartment directly, rather than using rental platforms.
What? You mean I’m not going to meet an impossibly handsome man, live in the centre of Paris, wear clothes I couldn’t possibly afford on my salary, just breeze through French bureaucracy even though I don’t speak French and fall in love? Must go, time for my daily dose of Emily…
I find this whole discourse so interesting. I'm American and moved to Germany 12 years ago, initially as a wandering English teacher, but I ended up staying and it's been great. Marriage, kids, house, job, the whole nine yards. Of course life is life no matter where you live it, and as you said: wherever you go, there you are. That said, for me it was a no-brainer to stay and build a life here. There were a lot of factors that made it possible, not all of which were in my control, but definitely some of them were. I wouldn't say that well-integrated expats are few and far between. There are a lot of us out here, just living our ordinary lives and not trying to monetize them on social media!
I was wondering when someone is going to mention moving to Germany! We’re only here in Berlin for a year but it’s been fascinating meeting a handful of Americans who’ve moved here permanently just in the last year. But, to your point about expats not being few and far between, I agree. There are so many, at least from my limited view.
Brilliant and so darn necessary. As a long-term expat who has lived abroad for decades, I’ve almost given up on trying to explain our lifestyle to those who assume it is without angst or struggle simply because of geography. When I do, however, I say life outside your home country is a crucible. It will stress you in ways you never expected or knew possible, it will reveal all your flaws and weaknesses, and when you come out the other side, you will not be who you were before. Some people flourish and some flounder, but everyone is changed.
This is wonderful! I am glad you are challenging the “European Dream” discourse. In some of the online expat groups I am in for Americans in Norway, we are now having Americans who end up planning and saving for years of their life in order to pursue their dream of coming to Scandinavia, only to realize when the time comes that they can’t get a visa, or some other practical consideration will make moving too difficult.
I think discussion of the trade-offs are super interesting! But pretending that there are not trade-offs is completely unrealistic.
You can draw a line from popular biographies/travel writing (Eat, Pray, Love, for example) to the highly unrealistic expectations of many Americans who think Europe will be a cure-all for everything they dislike about their lives in the US.
Thank you for saying that, I really hated it too. Lived in France at the time (I'm French) and found it offensive. It glossed over life in Europe, disregarding the issues we may have as natives to "Europe". It felt like it was plundering our culture.
I just saw this, "we are now having Americans who end up planning and saving for years of their life in order to pursue their dream of coming to Scandinavia, only to realize when the time comes that they can’t get a visa, or some other practical consideration will make moving too difficult." Oof, I can only imagine how it would feel to save up and dream of moving (after being "instructed" to do so by influencers), only to have one's dreams crushed. :(
I am married to a Dutch guy, and I’ve seen very clearly that our lives would be better in Europe. No, Americans are NOT all rich! I’m not — not at all. I dream of the healthcare we’d have in Europe. I dream of the better food and the better work-life balance. The only reason we live here is that my children were minors when Harrie and I married, so I couldn’t take them from their father. And now we have young grandchildren we don’t want to be away from, and we don’t have enough money to fly back and forth. We also would be taking a huge hit to sell all our belongings and move abroad — my husband already did that once.
I feel terribly guilty about all the things Harrie had to give up to marry me.
Thank you Michelle. There’s a lack of understanding that the services that one gets in Europe have value! So is the mom who works as a baker and waitress better off in Vienna, where there is kindergarten for her child and she can take public transportation to work, versus the same mom in the US in a major city who has to pay for day care and drive to work from a far away town because rents in the city are exorbitant. Her partner can study for a master’s degree and then a PhD at no cost (and gets a paid position as a PhD student). Taxes pay for these things. It’s the ethos of society being better for it. In the US, it’s each person for themselves. I could go on about what’s wrong here too. The public education system is rigid, for example. Michelle, I do appreciate your writing because it reminds us that the majority of Americans of modest means aren’t represented in these pages (and Medium, where I first encountered your writing).
Thank you! I am always ready to remind people who — generally by luck — have more resources than others, to remember they are outliers. What I’d true for the he rich is not always true for the poor. My husband and I still dream of a cottage in Belgium and enough money to cover plane tickets to see the kids and grandkids.
I came to Italy for the Healthcare. I can't go back to the US because of medical debt. It's harder here for sure, Italy is a dream killer not a dream maker, that's why so many expats start business stateside and run them here, and then don't pay taxes here. They know Italy kills small business. I'm glad I live in white trash part of provincia di Roma. Nobody moving here with Tuscan sunshine dreams.
I really appreciate this article, because I got some interesting responses from friends when I talked about taking a career break in Berlin. All of my friends were encouraging but some went further and made it sound like the US is the absolute bottom of the barrel. But I moved from Oakland to Berlin. I moved from a place where I have a firm, loving community to a place where people are notoriously closed off. Everywhere is cheaper than the Bay Area, but I live an objectively excellent material life thanks to my career and prospects in the Bay versus anywhere else.
Another commenter said "Wherever you go, there you are," and I live by the similar adage of "Bloom where you are planted". I chose Berlin on purpose and have started building community here (and have somehow already gotten sucked into volunteering); I could see myself attempting to immigrate here some day if splitting between Oakland and Berlin gets tiresome. But let's not pretend like Berlin is going to take my existing frustrations with myself and dissolve them. This article is a good reminder to not get caught up in all the things I prefer in Berlin.
I have so many more thoughts on this but don't wanna make this into a dissertation!
(Also, if I'm being real: it's so weird hearing Europeans parrot Black American culture back to me. Do they really think I don't know where techno came from?!)
Wealthy people can thrive anywhere, because they can simply purchase their way to comfort and do not want or need public amenities. Most of us are not wealthy and we need those public amenities. In Europe, we would have them.
Thanks for bringing that point up. By virtue of being US American, we already tend to be a bit wealthier than the average European. I’ve also found there to be more upward mobility in the States; I came from teen parents in a trailer park and now I live in one of the world’s most expensive metros thanks to a lot of luck and some work. Friends here and from London tell me that it’s fairly difficult to “get ahead,” so to speak. “Bloom where you’re planted” goes beyond the pragmatic things like healthcare and walkability and extends to building a community and actual life for oneself rather than feeling isolated because you don’t know the language or culture. This isn’t to say that practical considerations are unimportant, but I’ve been lucky enough to be able to get out of survival mode and pursue more frou-frou things.
Every American I know in the Bay Area...fed up with Trump, high taxes, homeless issues, unbelievable home prices, says let's move to France or Costa Rica or Spain or Belize...but very few actually do. Others say let's stay and fix the United States...the oldest democracy experiment. I think Kamela may do that.
Eh. My family immigrated from Russia and in my opinion life here is much much better in fundamental, important ways. So I reject the idea that no place is better than another. Even though I am super cognizant of the difficulty of immigrating.
Sure some people have unrealistic dreams… people have those about sex, love, kids, dream jobs. But most intelligent people seriously considering a move can’t possibly be dumb enough to think there are no trade offs or difficulties- I just don’t believe it.
Where ever you go there you are. But if there are no good jobs in your area you should move. If you crave walkable areas and public transport, moving to where that’s available will absolutely solve that problem. I’ve encountered close to me people who are always against me quitting a job in the same vein of argument - all jobs have trade offs, no matter what job you have you’re still you - okay but I like me fine and I’ve never regretted quitting a job and have always (so far) found a better more enjoyable future. It’s good to seek out an environment that suits you! And also to have an adventure or two. An American citizen can always move back.
Finally, that Americans are rich compared to the world is only really useful if you move out of America. So it only seems rational to do so doesn’t it? How else do you benefit from it if you don’t enjoy your life in the U.S. - most normal people don’t receive psychic benefit from knowing others are more poor - so take that wealth and go somewhere it makes you feel rich - seems sensible.
The lost generation used to come to Paris because it was cheap, and congregated in Montparnasse because it was like living on an American raft. They were still lost…
Elizabeth, standing ovation. 👏🏼👏🏼 Moving to Europe does not solve your problems.
1.) I'm married to a French man and spoke some French when I arrived in France, but this has been one of the most challenging, isolating, and stressful experiences of my life. *And I used to work politics in DC!*.
2.) The "European Dream" industrial complex omits issues like cultural difference (the cultures are more different than people let on...), language barriers, loneliness, homesickness. Americans will be surprised at how much France is a relatively "closed" culture (do not come for me in the comments- this is well-documented.)
3.) They don't mention the pesky fact that European salaries are, on average, far lower than American. The best way to "live the European dream" is to get rich in America then move overseas!
4.) When they boast of "free" services like healthcare and daycare they don't mention the eye-watering tax rates in most European countries. (Not starting a political war on here, this is a fact.)
5.) Do you like a takeout salad on occasion? Clothes dyers? Air conditioning? Target? TJ Maxx? You'll be SOL in most of Europe.
6.) Last, and not least, when you move to Europe, you will bring your insecurities, anxieties, sensitive issues, and anything else you might be working on.
I'm not sharing this to put down Europe, start an online war about healthcare policy, or put down anyone's dream or experience.
But for God's sake, moving to Europe will not solve your problems.
> 6.) Last, and not least, when you move to Europe, you will bring your insecurities, anxieties, sensitive issues, and anything else you might be working on.
Points 1 to 5 can be summarized in this one.
If someone has problems with "smaller salary, more tax, cultural differences" or the lack of "takeout salad and Target" they probably shouldn't even have left their hometown, much less leave the US for Europe.
The whole point of coming to Europe would be to be satsified with smaller salary and cultural differences, or to understand the point of more tax, and to leave behind the mall and the Target lifestyle...
Yes. I don’t want or need takeout or Target. And I already hang up all my laundry to dry to save money.
And electricity! No takeout? Vienna has takeout. It has delivery. What the author is critiquing is small-town life, almost anywhere.
Laurie, Paris has some takeout and delivery. It is not as common as what I saw in DC, Chicago, and New York.
And "fast casual" is not as big a thing.
Michelle, its great that you are happy with that! It sounds like you're loving life here in Europe. :)
The point is that some Americans, not all, think they will import their American life into Europe. And there is an influencer-memoir industry that doesn't give them the full picture.
Maybe what I observe in Paris is a heightened sense of this.
I’m living in a small town in the middle of Illinois. What I’m longing for is to live in the Netherlands, which is where my husband is from, because I’ve seen first-hand how much better life is there.
Well, life abroad can be an improvement for some.
But it is not without tradeoffs.
Good luck on your journey!
True but in Italy, for example, huge shopping centers are very popular, like CineCittà in Rome -- you can park there, and in some cities, they organize transportation to malls during heatwaves for the elderly because they are air conditioned. These malls are owned by EU politicians, and big distribution is going strong. I live in two places, in Rome & in a village of 5000 people. In my proletarian Rome neighborhood, in my housing block of 500 apartments, most people, since lockdown, have their groceries delivered from Esselunga. and do a huge amount of shopping for just anything else on Amazon. (because it's cheaper) When I first moved there, there were four butchers, 3 greengrocers, and 3 general alimentari + bakery, and an outdoor market all on my street. Now 1 butcher, 1 general alimentary, 2 greengrocers with wilted produce, and at the market 1 vegetable stall, 1 butcher, and a fishmonger 3 times a week. Take out isn't common (except pizza) BUT the local alimentari has a huge prepared food section: with spinach or chicory, quiches, fried foods, stuffed tomatoes, lasagne, etc. where I see many of my neighbors buy their food. I don't though. We do everything homemade, still. Uber eats has become popular too, since the lockdown. We tried it once, and I got food poisoning....
Yes, some of those places are getting Americanized as time goes by. And not necessarily by choice (huge comglomerates like Amazon burst in undercutting the local merchants by losing money until they destroy the competition, local businesses are targetted by exorbitant taxes and regulations that kill them, plus of course the Americanized way of working and lack of work life balance is spreading like cancer, also helped by new neoliberal laws and employer attitudes).
I know we’re supposed to shun Amazon for the reasons you mentioned, but aside from food shopping and local artisans and repairmen (now in Italy mostly Romanians), I have always found the offerings in small stores near me and often in the center of Rome, absolutely wanting. If I need a pair of shoes, or a swimsuit, or a new handbag, or a pair of good looking pants, without spending over 150 euros, I can’t find anything. They won’t have the color, or the size, or the brand. Or it’s crappy made in China.
I had a demanding job and household to run, plus I was a commuter for 22 years, with a 4-6 hour commute. I didn't have a lot of time for shopping.
However, I find that on Amazon, a third party seller will have just 1 pair of FinnComfort shoes in my size, discounted from what I’d pay in the shop, if indeed there were a shop near me selling that brand, which there isn’t. Third party sellers are often just ordinary people, buying up left over stock from stores and other outlets and reselling it on Amazon, trying to make a living. Other times, third party sellers are actually small businesses located in other areas of Italy who have stock to ged rid of and will sell it more cheaply than in a physical store, and once you know the seller, and have seen they're trustworthy, you can buy from them directly.
Those decrying Amazon as an example of what Americans are ‘doing to Italy’ have never been (a woman) in Italy trying to find size 11 shoes, an obscure non-Italian ingredient, a steady supply of food for a cat with kidney disease, or bags to fit your the vacuum cleaner you bought at the mom-and-pop shop in your town that closed 3 yrs ago.
PS: plenty of Italians use Amazon. Happily.
I could write, as the Italians say, “un poema” on the subject of vacuum cleaner bags, AC filters, & replacement parts. There was a shop that sold those things near my Rome flat — but never, ever the right model number. They closed down too.
YUP! And on the NOTE of take-out...isn't that more of the ISOLATION Problem that I see here everyday in California - nobody wants to talk to anybody - so in a way TAKE_OUT is another way to isolate ourselves
No.
European here. If you just wanted US-lifestyle but in a place with greater cultural cachet and nice old towns, you wont find the former here. We have our own way of life. It's not a weekend retreat, it's a culture and lifestyle (several, in fact, but all different to US one, which is the point).
Nick, I think you absolutely nailed the point.
First talking about 'Europe' like it was all one massive country with 'south of France vibes' is weird as heck. I'm European by origin but not in a way anyone in these comments would recognize as European-European. Europe has a LOT of different places with a LOT of different rules, and vibes, and economic situations.
In order to be happy living in Europe you have to first realize there is no 'European culture'. Like sure there are common points but it definitely makes a difference are you looking to move to, like, Serbia, or Poland, or Austria, or France, or Spain. These are all going to be very different lives. (If anyone is shopping around I recommend Austria or Spain).
People going 'but there's no TJ Maxx!!!!' really shouldn't go.
People who think living in an apartment is 'being cooped up and they could never' definitely shouldn't go.
Nick, you are choosing to miss the point. Have a good day.
1: I moved to Vienna as Austria shut down for covid. Isolating, stressful as an older person? Learning German is very hard, but in Vienna, many people speak English, which actually makes it harder to learn German because people like to practice their English. Plus, translator apps!
2. Yes language. Austrians have a reputation as well for not making friends with outsiders - they have plenty of friends already from childhood on. I managed to make friends through volunteering. I have 4 Austrian friends who are the loveliest people.
3. I'm living on Social Security, with a little supplemental TIAA, and I would not have been able to afford to live in any US city on this amount. Not only does the private housing market offer lovely small one-room flats; for those who qualify, Vienna offers housing at actually affordable rates for perhaps one-third or more of its citizens and has done since the mid-1920s. The city owns the properties; in Boston, rich developers develop luxury properties and set aside a certain number for "affordable" purchase or rent with some formula for calculating what they think is "affordable." I'd pay twice as much there for my flat, if such a small perfect flat existed at all, which it doesn't. I pay 20 euros for my phone plan and 20 euros for internet. My Austrian friends who are all still working don't complain about their salaries and have lovely lives full of activity. A couple from Scotland who worked and lived in Austria for more than 20 years have retired here, after bringing their children, now adults, up here as well.
4. I have Austrian health care, for which I pay a small amount roughly equivalent to what I would pay for the scam that is Medicare Supplemental. I had free flu shots and covid shots and covid tests and mandated proof that I had the shots to be able to go to restaurants during the worst time and mandated masking on public transportation until April 2022 or 2023. And yes, I am benefitting from the taxes paid by Viennese and Austrians for the outstanding public transportation system. A friend with a young child appreciated the free kindergarten that enabled her to work full time and her partner to go to university, which is also free. I welcomed not having a car; it's not needed. I can walk to grocery stores, pharmacies, a post office, just for starters. I have not heard anyone complain here, though I'm sure there are those who do, but even the right wing parties know enough to keep hands off the things that make the city livable.
5. I struggle with lack of air conditioning, but the number of restaurants with outdoor seating surpasses anything I ever saw in the US and even other European cities. When it's really hot, or not, I have many choices of outdoor swimming pools or swimming in the Alte Donau, a kind of lake with areas that require a small fee and have changing rooms, showers, and a restaurant, or open areas that the city has improved. Today it's supposed to be 90 degrees so I'm likely to go there. I bought a portable air conditioner for my flat last year. I hadn't used clothes dryers in the US for about 20 years except occasionally, so I was used to and committed to the practice of air drying, which saves electricity. I overspent on delivered meals this month because of the heat, that did keep me in my flat with AC running an inordinate number of days. Target? I love me some Target. I was in the US in January and visited one to get a SIM card, cruised around, and saw that I did not miss it. There's TKMaxx here and in other European cities, and brands that are not in the US. Even as a larger sized person, I've had no trouble finding cute stuff to wear, and I am two Ubahn stops from a great IKEA, downsized for the city, with a rooftop bar with views.
6. Oh gosh, I've taken my insecurities, anxieties, sensitive issues, preferences, dislikes all over the place with me. I lived in Boston, Newton in MA; Providence RI; the Bay Area in CA; Rochester and Rhinebeck NY. I lived in Greece for two 3-month periods. I'm 70 and postmenopausal, have experienced depression throughout my life, and even at my worst moments here have not even considered going back.
My purpose here is simply to offer another perspective. The tone of the piece and of your comment, Ellie, is as if everyone who comes to Europe is a deluded drunk and a takeout salad isn't available anywhere - rather absolutist. No need to argue; it's just my experience and the experience of the people I know.
Thought I'd add my own two cents, because I was put off by the tone of this piece, though I do not disagree that there's an entire industry of influencers peddling a dream that can mislead people who move to Europe with unrealistic expectations or for the wrong reasons. None of them were a factor in my deciding to move to Portugal as I didn't pay much attention to them in the first place.
I am also disabled, and had I stayed in the U.S. I'd have become homeless or more likely died long ago. Moving to Portugal was the best decision I ever made, and while there have undoubtedly been the challenges of bureaucracy and unfamiliar language and culture to work through, these are far less distressing and life threatening than the challenges I faced in the U.S.
I didn't come here to be fixed as I'm not what needs fixing, the U.S. is, and after a lifetime of fighting for change and on the brink of personal annihilation, I came to the conclusion that I can't do anything to affect change if I'm dead, so I came here to survive another day and to do what I can with what's left of my broken body and mind to press for necessary change from a place of safety and healing. I enjoy stronger community and more of a sense of purpose and meaning here than I ever did in the U.S.
Is Europe better for every American who comes? Certainly not, and there are many kinds of Americans I very much do not want to come here. Is it exactly what some of us want and need? You bet. Broad-brush painting is for walls.
Laurie, its wonderful that you found a place where life, and retirement, works for you.
The point is that there is an influencer-memoir industry that does not offer people a full picture of life in Europe.
Of not, I agree that the US has some very serious issues with inflation, cost of living, social security, all of which make life difficult for young and old.
Perhaps it is because I live in Paris, but every day (yes every day), I see on Facebook people posting about how they want to “live the Parisian dream” with no language skills, business/work plan, or experience with French culture.
I wish them success, but life, as always, is worlds away from what marketers are selling.
ETA, " A friend with a young child appreciated the free kindergarten that enabled her to work full time and her partner to go to university, which is also free." Those items are paid for by people with jobs who pay taxes. They are not free for people who work.
They are available to everyone. It’s what a civilized society commits to—the wellbeing of all children. I get your point but have most often seen this kind of clarification from the right wing.
Although I love the cultures, architecture, food, etc in Europe, the thing I REALLY wish the U.S. would copy is having basic services paid for by everyone. Young parents can’t always afford daycare, and this harms not just the individual family but society as a whole. It’s a major expense that most young people just starting out a career can’t afford, so they delay having children or don’t have them at all, or the mother sacrifices her career, or the grandmother retires early to fix the crisis (but risks an old age spent in poverty). Same general argument about universities — better for society to shoulder this than individuals. Stop thinking of it as giving away free stuff and start thinking of it as investing in society.
Michelle, those are your opinions. I might suggest looking into Hayek, Sowell, or Friedman to confirm these, indeed, “benefit society as a whole.”
Good day and good luck on your journey to Europe. I hope your life improves when you get here. :)
I have zero respect for those three people and I’m very sorry to see that you do. You and I appear to be on opposite sides here — I believe in the dignity of the working poor and middle class and the need for society to work together for the good of all — as tends to happen in Europe. Others believe in protecting the interests of the rich and exploiting the labor of others — as tends to happen in the U.S.
I also deeply disrespect the opinions and ideas of those three and further see and experience the failures of their”policies” in contemporary America after 40 years of neoliberalism. In contrast I see the successes to societies as a whole in countries such as Denmark for one, where the philosophy for the good of the whole is the sociocultural zeitgeist.
It’s obvious you’ve never read anything written by them.
“The point is that there is an influencer-memoir industry that does not offer people a full picture of life in Europe.” The article really isn’t about the influencers, it’s about the people who are influenced, and it paints them (us) all with a broad brush. Why not dig deeper? Can’t the experiences of Eliz Gilbert and other authors be authentic and valid at the same time as other people have difficulty. There’s a nugget of an idea that you have. Surely one can read a book without deciding to do the same thing as the author? What occurs in people’s heads between the reading and the decision to live abroad? What are the characteristics of people who succeed? What do they do and think that’s different? What about companies like (I think) International Living, which provides advice to people who want to live abroad? I guess I don’t buy the idea that everyone who is moving to Europe or wants to is a deluded alcoholic. The varieties of motivations is what makes people, and phenomena, interesting.
You got the alcoholic thing from the original article, which DID sort of make it feel like all the expats end up drinking in local taverns and not knowing what to do with their lives.
I really appreciate your perspective, I think Europe is so many different things, and living abroad is so many different things, it's definitely worth exploring the question way further than just concluding that 'you will still have issues wherever you move.' Like it's legitimate to want to maybe have different issues. I emigrated (I'm an immigrant instead of expat, hahah) and yes I still have issues, but honestly I genuinely prefer my new issues to my old issues. Would 100% not go back.
Thank you. I will probably fall somewhere between expat and immigrant with permanent residency I hope to get once I pass a B1 Deutsch Test.
Good luck, German is harrrrd!!!
This is the second time you’ve suggested that I’ve accused people of being alcoholics or having a bad relationship with alcohol.
Appreciate the perspective you shared, but I will bow out of this conversation.
Best of luck, Laurie!
My mistake - looks like I lost track of whose article we were discussing, whether you’d restacked, etc. The author of the article we are having this conversation about did indeed write “Just one more of the untold alcoholics, lost souls, and troubled ex-pats I’ve met during my decades abroad.”
I fully subscribe your point 6. Many come to Europe with their problems (mental and emotional) and they continue the same way they did home. They don’t catch the opportunity of their localisation change to improve themselves! They find themselves again in the same isolation as at home!
Thanks, I thought I had blocked you. Boucrih, your comments are often unkind, unhelpful, and you follow me around Substack (creepy). After this, I will double check to make sure you are blocked. And considering I'm *pretty* sure I know who you are, making a special account to stalk me is unhinged...
The loneliness is akin to solitary confinement. And my lord, do I love me some Target and a clothes dryer. Moreover, as David @versaillescentury said, in the end, you take yourself with you wherever you go.
Elizabeth thank you for the words of support. :)
Regarding the dryers, I can smell the Downey sheets just thinking about it 🤣😆😁!
What the hell is better about life in America?
Nope! Not playing!
#3 for sure
Yup, yup, yup!
Number 3.
Ha! You are the second one to say that. Because it is...true! ;)
It's not that there's no trade-offs. Virtually everywhere you live has positives and negatives (the trick is to determine which set of positives/negatives work for you at that point in time). But living in Europe can just generally be preferable. It was only when I left North America that I discovered I am not made for the way that North America has decided to develop itself. I need the kind of development that you find in Asia/Europe. That lifestyle so broadly improves my quality of life, and living in a car-obsessed culture so broadly degrades my quality of life, that I have never returned to the United States.
There are a lot of shaky comparisons out there. It's common for people to say things like, "Your salary in the United States is much higher than in Europe". These are often poor points of comparison (your costs in the United States – for education, for health care, for pharmaceuticals, for owning a vehicle or two, for all that overconsumption, for so many things – are also much higher, so you'd better earn more!). Actual differences lie in things like access to public transportation and quality of food, say. When your point of comparison is "I've got a more satisfying job, I can save more, I love learning languages, I run into friends all the time just going about my day, and my 10-minute commute by subway is SO much more preferable to my 90-minute commute by car to a shittier job because I couldn't secure anything else from my place in a suburb outside the city because I could never afford to live downtown, which means I had to pre-plan events to hang out with friends because you'll never just run into someone you know", well, that indicates a drastic change in lifestyle. And in that light, Europe does solve a lot of problems.
"It was only when I left North America that I discovered I am not made for the way that North America has decided to develop itself."
this is so on point!! I've moved the 'wrong' way (from Europe to Canada, to my defense I was in the shitty part of Europe) and I definitely miss the Europe/Asia vibe of city livability. I have a bit here in Montreal which many people say is 'the most European of all the North American cities' but honestly it's only European feeling if you've never seen actual Europe.
Yes, great point about the earning - if you're earning more AND spending more what's the point? Also I find it very weird that so many people are bringing the 'rich Americans, high American salaries' thing into this because that is definitely a small privileged minority who is raking in the money in the States. America has no shortage of poor people, and all those poor people fare far worse than they would in Europe, if they had the means to go there.
Yes, I’ve read a UN report on poverty in rural areas in the US and my the poverty is very striking. What the US has that I don’t believe any other G7/wealthy Western country can match is massive inequality. You can’t focus on how great it is to be wealthy in the US if you don’t also include how awful it is to be poor. At least in Europe, even the poor have doctors.
Yessssss!! This is true. Growing up in my relatively crappy European country I knew there were some people somewhere who must be very rich but it never felt like common working people were a lower class. Everyone lives together in apartment blocks, you may have a bigger or smaller apartment but you won’t have a massive mansion in a gated community, unless you’re an ambassador or really massively wealthy. Actually there are no gated communities as such. The same building will have doctors, lawyers, students, teachers, postal workers.
There are no massive SUVs on the streets, everyone drives a human sized car or takes public transport.
Great point about choosing your trade offs. Some things are just worth more even if it cost some discomfort.
Spot on for pharmaceuticals! Excellent point!
Indeed, life in Europe is different, and much poorer. Though one can 'get by' in big cities (even Paris these days, I hear) by finding the same cultural bubble as exists in New York or Los Angeles or Vancouver and never bothering to integrate, and even get a technical job that will pay you nearly as much (before the enormous taxes) as you'd have made in a decent mid sized American city (and therefore twice as much at least as most of the natives you'll encounter), that is not really a 'European' experience. It also tends to end up with the American migrant importing American cultural issues into Europe, where they don't really fit, and it comes to resemble nothing so much as a soft form of colonialism.
Though I'd argue that it works somewhat the same in reverse, and to a much bigger scale. America and Canada are full of migrants who were essentially sold on a Hollywood lie, and for every high-earning immigrant crushing it in a metropolis there are hundreds or thousands having their lives ground out of them in petrol stations, driving taxis, working under the table in chicken slaughterhouses, living twelve people deep in two-room apartments like it's Whitechapel in 1899, etc, etc. Many of them aren't sure they're any better off than if they'd stayed, though they usually have a great hope, occasionally not in vain, that their children will see a better existence than they'd have been afforded back home.
Migration is hard, integration is even harder, and building a worthy life -- anywhere on the face of the Earth -- is the hardest of all.
If Europe calls to you for one reason or another, then by all means come. But do so in the knowledge that you'll be the suspect foreigner who'll have to prove your worth, you'll have to learn the language and adapt to the culture, you'll have to accept absurdities of bureaucracy and an insane tax burden and the risk of being fined or imprisoned or kicked out for exercising the kinds speech you've taken for granted your entire life. (Flipping an arsehole the bird for cutting you off in traffic can lead to an uncomfortable talk with the police and a hefty fine, for example.)
And, as others have noted, you'll still be yourself. If you're unhappy in Topeka, you'll be unhappy in Tuscany, or Trondheim, or Tours, or Trier. You'll just be unhappy and surrounded by architecture that was old before your country was founded.
Indeed, you take yourself with you wherever you go.
Likewise, for someone who has lived overseas for several years, it’s hard resettling and re-culturing back to the states. Or for the migrant or exchange student or non-naturalized person who has “made it” in the U.S., back to their home where their extended family lives.
This complexity is often unseen, especially at the lowest socioeconomic levels—for both non-citizens living in the U.S. and (less common but still there) non-citizen Americans living overseas.
À soft form of colonialism. I love that. How true for many. But there are those of us who love the language, the people, and don’t want to hang out w other expats. It’s wonderful to feel at home at last when you’ve felt out of place in the US most of your life…
In this case the hassles are worth it.
I just read your essay "When the Familiar Makes You Strange," thanks for sharing that experience. I can relate. I wanted to reply to my own comment to say reverse culture shock is what makes it hard to go back after investing time. I've found I could connect more with other people in similar situations, having left their country to come to America, when I returned. Their struggles are always different, but similar. American power and wealth factors in. I could meet people like this often in cities, but not in the Rockies. I felt more out of place in the mountain west than I did anywhere.
I think the thing is, wherever you go, if you're present there, it stays with you. You never fully leave.
The last four words of my first comment should've read "Americans living overseas as non-citizens (of whichever country)." I know of several people (non-citizens) in the US caught in the "temporary" gray area, and many US citizens abroad caught in the "temporary" gray area. No one should take for granted having a home to go back to! Even if it makes you feel strange...
Actually, I was far happier living internationally than I ever was at home.
People leave where they are for all kinds of reasons. Maybe some don’t find answers to their problems when they do, and there’s certainly a trade off. But I just want to say that some do. I didn’t find answers to all of my problems, and certainly not the very personal ones, but I found answers to enough. And I finally found space to grow. It was transformative.
This is such a thoughtful and necessary piece. In the end, life is life, wherever you live it, and no place will fix you, no matter how beautiful it is.
My husband and I moved to Italy with two small children almost twenty years ago. We had EU citizenship and he even got a local job, but we just could not make ends meet on a normal Italian salary. After a few more failed tries in Italy, we moved to Amsterdam, where the job market is much better, and it's been a wonderful place to raise our children. But a whole decade later, I still struggle with culture shock and fitting into Dutch society, even though I love so many things about living here. We're finally in a financial position where our jobs are portable and we'll be able to move back to Italy on a solid financial footing. But our children will be staying behind at university in Amsterdam, where I feel much more sanguine about their career prospects than if they came with us to Italy.
So I'm one for whom the European Dream has worked out really well, but it took years and several tries, and so many miles of red tape. It is a lot of work to move abroad, and requires a ton of ingenuity and adaptability, and there are no guarantees you'll be happy where you land. Even if you are happy and don't regret the move, it will be nothing like a vacation to live in Europe. There are tradeoffs like distance from family and learning to live an entirely different way that doesn't include a lot of the comforts and conveniences Americans take for granted.
And it makes me cringe so much when people move to a place and expect it to change to make them more comfortable. There's so much unexamined privilege in the idea of just being able to move where you like. A lot of the strange attitudes you discuss here could be mitigated by people remembering that when you move to another country, you become an immigrant, with all of the challenges and responsibilities that entails.
You know, I think you are one of those rare examples of someone who came to build a life, not just run away from something; even so, it's not easy.
What makes you think those examples are so rare? Have you got data? This is just your experience but you present it as if it is truth for everyone. Also, is "wherever you go, there you are" such a revelation in the 21st century?
I spent most of my life in expat communities and in my experience the ones who love the life are way more numerous than those who dislike it.
You bring a super important point with the privilege of expats, expecting an equivalent salary and a TJ Maxx to be waiting for them wherever they go, while many probably at the same time have very different ideas and expectations of the immigrants who come to THEIR country, fully expecting them to integrate, be grateful, and take what they get. The elitism of 'expats' always sat wrong with me, and for one reason or another I literally spent my entire life among them. The same way that every place can be weird and difficult, every place can also be great, if you're the sort of person who knows how to make the best of their life. I lived in Japan, in Bangladesh, in Serbia, in Cyprus, in Canada. All pretty different to each other. I have my preferences, but I wouldn't discourage people from trying any of them.
Wherever you go, there you are!
Exactly!!
Dear Elizabeth, you got it so right.
An old and wise friend once asked me when I was a lot younger why the grass was always greener on the other side of the fence. I had no answer. He did: because there's more shit.
We are at the end of our careers in fashion and business. My wife has been a creative director for 2 large European fashion brands with shops all over the world. I am an entrepreneur who set up, managed, sold or liquidated 10 companies around the world. We are in the very fortunate position that we are working on a new project that just the 2 of us can manage without staff from anywhere in the world. Our book "Aesthetic Nomads" will be released globally within the next weeks as the first tangible item of this project.
Over the last 4 years, we have lived abroad for about 4 months per year, working remotely. The idea was to spend time in the places we thought we'd love to live in and buy land to build upon or a house to renovate. These places were: Jose Ignacio in Uruguay, Buenos Aires, Merida in Mexico, Florida, Manhattan, Athens, Puglia, Rome, Tuscany.
We haven't bought anything so far. The chances of us investing abroad are slim. Or rather, non-existent.
Why? Because moving abroad doesn't solve anything. It just creates more problems. It's easy enough to anticipate some of the problems. But what about the ones you cannot calculate the effect of? Cultural issues? Language barriers? Societal issues? Climate change?
Unless you have very compelling reasons to move, or very close connections, you'll always be a stranger in another country. It's interesting in the short term. It becomes a nuisance in the long term. Even as a Belgian, speaking Italian and Spanish, I will not invest and move to Puglia or Andalusia.
My 2 cents of wisdom that I'd like to add to the discussion: unless your location is the problem, you don't solve your problems by moving.
We'll continue to keep our freedom by renting short term in places we think we'll like. Athens is planned for October-November. Next may be LA, or Mexico City, or Japan. Who knows? In between it's Brussels. Home.
Well said.
Hi, if you might be interested in renting a lovely two bedroom, two bathroom apartment in a local neighborhood in Florence for a few months, I am often needing these days to spend some months back in the US, and would like to find renters for my Florence apartment directly, rather than using rental platforms.
What? You mean I’m not going to meet an impossibly handsome man, live in the centre of Paris, wear clothes I couldn’t possibly afford on my salary, just breeze through French bureaucracy even though I don’t speak French and fall in love? Must go, time for my daily dose of Emily…
Emily in Paris is the absolute worst.
😂 It’s so bad it’s good, I watch for the scenery and clothes!
Guilty.
I'm a CIS man and I do that, although I'm behind. Lord though Emily, at least get Duolingo. French is really not that hard for an English speaker.
Oh I don’t know, just watched the episode with the sports car, Emily fixes the day wearing some sort of lavender frothy number to match Provence!
I find this whole discourse so interesting. I'm American and moved to Germany 12 years ago, initially as a wandering English teacher, but I ended up staying and it's been great. Marriage, kids, house, job, the whole nine yards. Of course life is life no matter where you live it, and as you said: wherever you go, there you are. That said, for me it was a no-brainer to stay and build a life here. There were a lot of factors that made it possible, not all of which were in my control, but definitely some of them were. I wouldn't say that well-integrated expats are few and far between. There are a lot of us out here, just living our ordinary lives and not trying to monetize them on social media!
I was wondering when someone is going to mention moving to Germany! We’re only here in Berlin for a year but it’s been fascinating meeting a handful of Americans who’ve moved here permanently just in the last year. But, to your point about expats not being few and far between, I agree. There are so many, at least from my limited view.
Brilliant and so darn necessary. As a long-term expat who has lived abroad for decades, I’ve almost given up on trying to explain our lifestyle to those who assume it is without angst or struggle simply because of geography. When I do, however, I say life outside your home country is a crucible. It will stress you in ways you never expected or knew possible, it will reveal all your flaws and weaknesses, and when you come out the other side, you will not be who you were before. Some people flourish and some flounder, but everyone is changed.
Agreed with flaws and weaknesses!
This is wonderful! I am glad you are challenging the “European Dream” discourse. In some of the online expat groups I am in for Americans in Norway, we are now having Americans who end up planning and saving for years of their life in order to pursue their dream of coming to Scandinavia, only to realize when the time comes that they can’t get a visa, or some other practical consideration will make moving too difficult.
I think discussion of the trade-offs are super interesting! But pretending that there are not trade-offs is completely unrealistic.
You can draw a line from popular biographies/travel writing (Eat, Pray, Love, for example) to the highly unrealistic expectations of many Americans who think Europe will be a cure-all for everything they dislike about their lives in the US.
I may be the only woman who hated Eat Pray Love
You're not. I thought it was about as deep as damp pavement.
Genius.
Hated it and work as a food guide in Rome so had to develop a tour based on it.
No I am. Or we all are. I despised it. It was unrealistic. Who was funding her little adventure?
It was funded with an advance she received to write Eat, Pray, Love. ~ Traveling alone for a year opens up a whole other world. I've done it.
You’re not!
I don’t like Eat Pray Love either.
We all might need to start a club: Drink, think, loathe.
I'm in!
I would join, definitely.
Thank you for saying that, I really hated it too. Lived in France at the time (I'm French) and found it offensive. It glossed over life in Europe, disregarding the issues we may have as natives to "Europe". It felt like it was plundering our culture.
I’ve never seen it. My opinions are based on being married to a European and being envious of how much better the lives of his family are.
I just saw this, "we are now having Americans who end up planning and saving for years of their life in order to pursue their dream of coming to Scandinavia, only to realize when the time comes that they can’t get a visa, or some other practical consideration will make moving too difficult." Oof, I can only imagine how it would feel to save up and dream of moving (after being "instructed" to do so by influencers), only to have one's dreams crushed. :(
I disagree.
I am married to a Dutch guy, and I’ve seen very clearly that our lives would be better in Europe. No, Americans are NOT all rich! I’m not — not at all. I dream of the healthcare we’d have in Europe. I dream of the better food and the better work-life balance. The only reason we live here is that my children were minors when Harrie and I married, so I couldn’t take them from their father. And now we have young grandchildren we don’t want to be away from, and we don’t have enough money to fly back and forth. We also would be taking a huge hit to sell all our belongings and move abroad — my husband already did that once.
I feel terribly guilty about all the things Harrie had to give up to marry me.
Thank you Michelle. There’s a lack of understanding that the services that one gets in Europe have value! So is the mom who works as a baker and waitress better off in Vienna, where there is kindergarten for her child and she can take public transportation to work, versus the same mom in the US in a major city who has to pay for day care and drive to work from a far away town because rents in the city are exorbitant. Her partner can study for a master’s degree and then a PhD at no cost (and gets a paid position as a PhD student). Taxes pay for these things. It’s the ethos of society being better for it. In the US, it’s each person for themselves. I could go on about what’s wrong here too. The public education system is rigid, for example. Michelle, I do appreciate your writing because it reminds us that the majority of Americans of modest means aren’t represented in these pages (and Medium, where I first encountered your writing).
Thank you! I am always ready to remind people who — generally by luck — have more resources than others, to remember they are outliers. What I’d true for the he rich is not always true for the poor. My husband and I still dream of a cottage in Belgium and enough money to cover plane tickets to see the kids and grandkids.
I came to Italy for the Healthcare. I can't go back to the US because of medical debt. It's harder here for sure, Italy is a dream killer not a dream maker, that's why so many expats start business stateside and run them here, and then don't pay taxes here. They know Italy kills small business. I'm glad I live in white trash part of provincia di Roma. Nobody moving here with Tuscan sunshine dreams.
I hear you; my superb Swiss health care is impossible to beat.
Indeed. Even though it's tempting to move somewhere where people enjoy life more, I don't really want to give up my Swiss health care either!
I really appreciate this article, because I got some interesting responses from friends when I talked about taking a career break in Berlin. All of my friends were encouraging but some went further and made it sound like the US is the absolute bottom of the barrel. But I moved from Oakland to Berlin. I moved from a place where I have a firm, loving community to a place where people are notoriously closed off. Everywhere is cheaper than the Bay Area, but I live an objectively excellent material life thanks to my career and prospects in the Bay versus anywhere else.
Another commenter said "Wherever you go, there you are," and I live by the similar adage of "Bloom where you are planted". I chose Berlin on purpose and have started building community here (and have somehow already gotten sucked into volunteering); I could see myself attempting to immigrate here some day if splitting between Oakland and Berlin gets tiresome. But let's not pretend like Berlin is going to take my existing frustrations with myself and dissolve them. This article is a good reminder to not get caught up in all the things I prefer in Berlin.
I have so many more thoughts on this but don't wanna make this into a dissertation!
(Also, if I'm being real: it's so weird hearing Europeans parrot Black American culture back to me. Do they really think I don't know where techno came from?!)
Ah, Berlin… it’s a whole other thing—kind of like NYC, it’s not for the timid.
Haha, I do like my cities intense and heavily community-based!
I love that "Bloom where you are planted" it's going to be part of my credo from now on.
Wealthy people can thrive anywhere, because they can simply purchase their way to comfort and do not want or need public amenities. Most of us are not wealthy and we need those public amenities. In Europe, we would have them.
Thanks for bringing that point up. By virtue of being US American, we already tend to be a bit wealthier than the average European. I’ve also found there to be more upward mobility in the States; I came from teen parents in a trailer park and now I live in one of the world’s most expensive metros thanks to a lot of luck and some work. Friends here and from London tell me that it’s fairly difficult to “get ahead,” so to speak. “Bloom where you’re planted” goes beyond the pragmatic things like healthcare and walkability and extends to building a community and actual life for oneself rather than feeling isolated because you don’t know the language or culture. This isn’t to say that practical considerations are unimportant, but I’ve been lucky enough to be able to get out of survival mode and pursue more frou-frou things.
You would.
I’m in Oakland! I’d love to hear more about the differences you’re noting…
Sure! DM me if you have any specific comparisons you want me to make, I can’t think of any non-obvious differences off the top of my head.
Every American I know in the Bay Area...fed up with Trump, high taxes, homeless issues, unbelievable home prices, says let's move to France or Costa Rica or Spain or Belize...but very few actually do. Others say let's stay and fix the United States...the oldest democracy experiment. I think Kamela may do that.
Eh. My family immigrated from Russia and in my opinion life here is much much better in fundamental, important ways. So I reject the idea that no place is better than another. Even though I am super cognizant of the difficulty of immigrating.
Sure some people have unrealistic dreams… people have those about sex, love, kids, dream jobs. But most intelligent people seriously considering a move can’t possibly be dumb enough to think there are no trade offs or difficulties- I just don’t believe it.
Where ever you go there you are. But if there are no good jobs in your area you should move. If you crave walkable areas and public transport, moving to where that’s available will absolutely solve that problem. I’ve encountered close to me people who are always against me quitting a job in the same vein of argument - all jobs have trade offs, no matter what job you have you’re still you - okay but I like me fine and I’ve never regretted quitting a job and have always (so far) found a better more enjoyable future. It’s good to seek out an environment that suits you! And also to have an adventure or two. An American citizen can always move back.
Finally, that Americans are rich compared to the world is only really useful if you move out of America. So it only seems rational to do so doesn’t it? How else do you benefit from it if you don’t enjoy your life in the U.S. - most normal people don’t receive psychic benefit from knowing others are more poor - so take that wealth and go somewhere it makes you feel rich - seems sensible.
The lost generation used to come to Paris because it was cheap, and congregated in Montparnasse because it was like living on an American raft. They were still lost…