I have happily lived the Netherlands for almost 30 years, I moved for a job and then set up my own company 10 years later. I love living here, but I didn’t do it to escape, i did it because my job brought me here - and then when they wanted me to move back, I didn’t, because I had a teenager that wanted to finish secondary education here with his friends. And by the time he went back to the US for university, I enjoyed what I was doing and have felt integrated here in my country of choice. But I still have my US passport and I still recognise the benefits of both places - and the negative things of both places. And I find Dutch bureaucracy to be no less frustrating than that of Italy! I’m retirement age now - and I have a small Dutch pension. And unlike what it would cost me in the US, I can manage here on my pensions - and I can walk to everything I need, doctor, pharmacy, physio, groceries, theater, cinema, and so forth. I haven’t had support from a “socialist” state, but then I have also been happy to pay generally around 40% of my income in taxes, because it funded the pension I have now, and for many years here, my health insurance. We have a marketplace for insurance now, but it is still incredibly affordable compared to the US, and the quality of care is fantastic, which is really useful as one ages! But I don’t think moving anywhere ever solves your problems, because wherever you go, you literally take them with you.
Bravo. What strikes me as a far more realistic and rewarding option, is to bring home and truly incorporate into our American lives some of the cultural touchstones and customs we revered in our travels elsewhere - even if it was journeyed within a novel.
Good points, Elizabeth. It's easy for us to have a 'the grass is greener on the other side' type of perspective towards these sort of things.
When it comes to the West, one main reason for this is how such societies are portrayed by the media and system in general.... when in fact there are many systemic problems brought about by neoliberal capitalism in these countries.
Thank you!!!! I'm from Malta, and seeing content about 'euro summer', watching romcoms and general entertainment that paints Europe in such a romanticised and idealised way lowkey aggravates me so much. I live all the mundane, sometimes really unpleasant, and non-aesthetically pleasing moments of (Southern) European life everyday! Like what are you talking about !!!!??? Thank you so much for this piece.
"...non-aesthetically pleasing moments..." is exactly right! Every day is not Paris Fashion Week or August in Ibiza--and frankly, as a person who lives here, thank god.
Thank you for this post ! I’ve been saying the same thing though perhaps not as eloquently as you just did. I have lived over seas for 15 years and it’s been fabulous and not at all a picnic. My question for people is when do they stop leaving? So ok the US is currently a dumpster fire - Meloni is on the edge of fascism so when it because a dumpster fire too then what?!?
Inexpensive healthcare, daily aperitivi in the piazza, and cheap wine and farmers' market vegetables have a way of dulling American-expatriate-in-Italy sensitivity to the plight of people of color, immigrants and refugees, and LGBTQ/same-sex partners and their children in Italy. Speaking as a 7-year Italy resident who never met an American who cared about local, regional, or national governments or truly understood what Meloni, or any of her predecessors for that matter, are about. It's so much easier to ignore the awful stuff if it's in a language one is not fluent in, if one doesn't listen to or read the news. Here in America, the awfulness is in our face. For many Americans in Italy, it's just background noise. Did I mention the wine is so cheap!?
Oh, man, do I love your comment. It strikes right to the heart of my discomfort with the myth of Europe as a cure for all the ills of American life, which are certainly growing, but we've got our problems here in Europe; if you're just running away, what do you have to offer your new country? I'll take more wine, please...
My father is from Sweden and I grew up going to Sweden and Europe all my life. I was constantly shaking my head at the way things were done in America. I finally moved to Scotland. I do not speak Swedish and was wise enough to consider that when adjusting to live in a new country. It was everything I thought I’d be. My salary was very low compared to my NYC salary but I lived in one of the nicer neighborhoods in Edinburgh, had great work/life balance, and could afford a good life. That was not the case in NYC. I moved back to the US because of family. The only downsides to living in Europe for me was the slight annoyance/difficulty with living within another culture (I wouldn’t say Scotland is a big culture shock though, obviously) and not having my established family and friends. If I could get them to move with me, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. No country is perfect, you have to go in eyes wide open, but free healthcare, cheaper or free university, paternity leave, less/no guns,not paying or even really submitting taxes because obviously the government knows what you make/owe, the list goes on, is so comforting.
There is undeniably a softer side to Europe. America is a brutal culture with no safety net. We are really on our own there, except everyone needs help at some point…
Great read Elizabeth! I recently moved to Lisbon because while spending a couple months in London my now husband and I rekindled a friendship that we quickly realized was romantic and going to be for life. For us it was a kind of no brainer that Lisbon would be our home, as I have lived all over the states, and other than having family still in upstate NY, haven’t felt thrilled about calling any part of the country home.
It has certainly been challenging, especially given the way things have been going here in Portugal, with the immigration system essentially coming to a halt due to the sheer number of people coming in.
Another aspect here is that this “escape” to these countries and cities facing their own issues, particularly economic in nature, results in expats being blamed for the issues of rising costs and daily struggles. There are many times where I’m embarrassed to admit where I’ve come from, or feel the constant need to clarify that I’m not one of “those” expats, but there I’m here to be with my husband and build our family.
I love it here most days, and I’m lucky that I have fallen in love with someone from such a beautiful place, but it does make one feel ostracized, especially when it’s in a way that even my husband can’t always understand or recognize. We are at family dinners and they’re all complaining about tourists ruining their beloved city, and I have to think, am I a tourist? Are my family members when they come to visit me tourists?
That is a great point. The pushback in Spain and Portugal against tourists and golden visas (which, as you mention, Portugal is eliminating) is intense. I think the line between resenting “tourists” and rich Americans is a fine one.
Loved the piece. It reminded me of that saying “Wherever you go, there you are.”
And also, as a foreigner who lived in America for 13 years, your country’s superpower is this: Naive Optimism.
I’ve never seen it anywhere else I’ve lived (5 continents, 9 countries, 11 cities). That’s why we all move there. You say, yes. And, how can I help you do that?
As an American abroad for 20+ years, I have the opposite experience. No is the go-to response, and then maybe, just maybe, you can work them around to a tepid yes, and frankly, it still pisses me off a bit.
"it's worth remembering that it’s not better over here; it’s just different." That's it and most americans fail to understand that. But the differences are huge. I'm french btw and never lived in the US but travelled there a lot. The culture shock was pretty huge coming from Paris to New York. But like you said, it's all about what are you willing to trade off if you move here because life is just very different.
To your point about the difficulties of moving abroad, there is a story from CNN that's making the rounds on expat Substack (https://substack.com/@bettycarlson/note/c-76693643) about a couple from San Francisco who moved to France and are now returning to the US because they were shocked to discover that France is a) not America, and b) learning to live in another culture and speak another language is hard. They are getting roasted, but I feel sorry for them--they had no idea what they signed up for, poor lambs.
Omg, she criticized french food ! I take great offence 🤣 I mean, I live between Nîmes and Montpellier where she was and I am appaled that she didn't go to markets, there are everywhere! Especially in the south, there are vegetable and fruit stalls by local farmers, by the road ar every corner ! Damn it Joanna 🤣
I have happily lived the Netherlands for almost 30 years, I moved for a job and then set up my own company 10 years later. I love living here, but I didn’t do it to escape, i did it because my job brought me here - and then when they wanted me to move back, I didn’t, because I had a teenager that wanted to finish secondary education here with his friends. And by the time he went back to the US for university, I enjoyed what I was doing and have felt integrated here in my country of choice. But I still have my US passport and I still recognise the benefits of both places - and the negative things of both places. And I find Dutch bureaucracy to be no less frustrating than that of Italy! I’m retirement age now - and I have a small Dutch pension. And unlike what it would cost me in the US, I can manage here on my pensions - and I can walk to everything I need, doctor, pharmacy, physio, groceries, theater, cinema, and so forth. I haven’t had support from a “socialist” state, but then I have also been happy to pay generally around 40% of my income in taxes, because it funded the pension I have now, and for many years here, my health insurance. We have a marketplace for insurance now, but it is still incredibly affordable compared to the US, and the quality of care is fantastic, which is really useful as one ages! But I don’t think moving anywhere ever solves your problems, because wherever you go, you literally take them with you.
There is something gentler about aging in Europe vs. the US.
Bravo. What strikes me as a far more realistic and rewarding option, is to bring home and truly incorporate into our American lives some of the cultural touchstones and customs we revered in our travels elsewhere - even if it was journeyed within a novel.
Love this!
Good points, Elizabeth. It's easy for us to have a 'the grass is greener on the other side' type of perspective towards these sort of things.
When it comes to the West, one main reason for this is how such societies are portrayed by the media and system in general.... when in fact there are many systemic problems brought about by neoliberal capitalism in these countries.
Yes, absolutely. The myth is the problem.
Title alone made me laugh. Then enjoyed the read since my French husband and I have been talking about a move. Ha! Thank you.
Thank you!!!! I'm from Malta, and seeing content about 'euro summer', watching romcoms and general entertainment that paints Europe in such a romanticised and idealised way lowkey aggravates me so much. I live all the mundane, sometimes really unpleasant, and non-aesthetically pleasing moments of (Southern) European life everyday! Like what are you talking about !!!!??? Thank you so much for this piece.
"...non-aesthetically pleasing moments..." is exactly right! Every day is not Paris Fashion Week or August in Ibiza--and frankly, as a person who lives here, thank god.
There is no better or worse,—not in the States, not in Europe, not anywhere—only different. So very true!
Also so very true—never run from anything, but always walk to something.
I need to reflect on what I’m walking towards…
Every word is just so resounding.
Thank you for this post ! I’ve been saying the same thing though perhaps not as eloquently as you just did. I have lived over seas for 15 years and it’s been fabulous and not at all a picnic. My question for people is when do they stop leaving? So ok the US is currently a dumpster fire - Meloni is on the edge of fascism so when it because a dumpster fire too then what?!?
Inexpensive healthcare, daily aperitivi in the piazza, and cheap wine and farmers' market vegetables have a way of dulling American-expatriate-in-Italy sensitivity to the plight of people of color, immigrants and refugees, and LGBTQ/same-sex partners and their children in Italy. Speaking as a 7-year Italy resident who never met an American who cared about local, regional, or national governments or truly understood what Meloni, or any of her predecessors for that matter, are about. It's so much easier to ignore the awful stuff if it's in a language one is not fluent in, if one doesn't listen to or read the news. Here in America, the awfulness is in our face. For many Americans in Italy, it's just background noise. Did I mention the wine is so cheap!?
Oh, man, do I love your comment. It strikes right to the heart of my discomfort with the myth of Europe as a cure for all the ills of American life, which are certainly growing, but we've got our problems here in Europe; if you're just running away, what do you have to offer your new country? I'll take more wine, please...
Yep, you got it.
“Then what?” is a question I don’t like to contemplate…
My father is from Sweden and I grew up going to Sweden and Europe all my life. I was constantly shaking my head at the way things were done in America. I finally moved to Scotland. I do not speak Swedish and was wise enough to consider that when adjusting to live in a new country. It was everything I thought I’d be. My salary was very low compared to my NYC salary but I lived in one of the nicer neighborhoods in Edinburgh, had great work/life balance, and could afford a good life. That was not the case in NYC. I moved back to the US because of family. The only downsides to living in Europe for me was the slight annoyance/difficulty with living within another culture (I wouldn’t say Scotland is a big culture shock though, obviously) and not having my established family and friends. If I could get them to move with me, I’d do it again in a heartbeat. No country is perfect, you have to go in eyes wide open, but free healthcare, cheaper or free university, paternity leave, less/no guns,not paying or even really submitting taxes because obviously the government knows what you make/owe, the list goes on, is so comforting.
There is undeniably a softer side to Europe. America is a brutal culture with no safety net. We are really on our own there, except everyone needs help at some point…
I think that’s a perfect way to put it and it effects some of us more than others. Some thrive in it.
(日本語で)
初めまして。仰る通り、「逃げる」という選択肢は、自分には無いと思います。
また、逃げたいという気持ちもありません。トランプ大統領は、アメリカ国民によって、大統領選という正当な手続きによって選ばれた。そして、日本は、実質的にアメリカの属国である。これらの事実を勘案すれば、むしろ逃げようとする方がリスクが高くなるとすら考えています。Xにポストした内容は、馬鹿げていました。
Great read Elizabeth! I recently moved to Lisbon because while spending a couple months in London my now husband and I rekindled a friendship that we quickly realized was romantic and going to be for life. For us it was a kind of no brainer that Lisbon would be our home, as I have lived all over the states, and other than having family still in upstate NY, haven’t felt thrilled about calling any part of the country home.
It has certainly been challenging, especially given the way things have been going here in Portugal, with the immigration system essentially coming to a halt due to the sheer number of people coming in.
Another aspect here is that this “escape” to these countries and cities facing their own issues, particularly economic in nature, results in expats being blamed for the issues of rising costs and daily struggles. There are many times where I’m embarrassed to admit where I’ve come from, or feel the constant need to clarify that I’m not one of “those” expats, but there I’m here to be with my husband and build our family.
I love it here most days, and I’m lucky that I have fallen in love with someone from such a beautiful place, but it does make one feel ostracized, especially when it’s in a way that even my husband can’t always understand or recognize. We are at family dinners and they’re all complaining about tourists ruining their beloved city, and I have to think, am I a tourist? Are my family members when they come to visit me tourists?
That is a great point. The pushback in Spain and Portugal against tourists and golden visas (which, as you mention, Portugal is eliminating) is intense. I think the line between resenting “tourists” and rich Americans is a fine one.
Loved the piece. It reminded me of that saying “Wherever you go, there you are.”
And also, as a foreigner who lived in America for 13 years, your country’s superpower is this: Naive Optimism.
I’ve never seen it anywhere else I’ve lived (5 continents, 9 countries, 11 cities). That’s why we all move there. You say, yes. And, how can I help you do that?
As an American abroad for 20+ years, I have the opposite experience. No is the go-to response, and then maybe, just maybe, you can work them around to a tepid yes, and frankly, it still pisses me off a bit.
I’d like to hear more about what the issues are for you as you weigh up the options.
Thank you for sharing this. My husband and I are having this discussion now. We've never lived anywhere but the US. I appreciate the perspective.
Thanks for reading!
Great perspective. TY for sharing.
Thanks for reading!
"it's worth remembering that it’s not better over here; it’s just different." That's it and most americans fail to understand that. But the differences are huge. I'm french btw and never lived in the US but travelled there a lot. The culture shock was pretty huge coming from Paris to New York. But like you said, it's all about what are you willing to trade off if you move here because life is just very different.
To your point about the difficulties of moving abroad, there is a story from CNN that's making the rounds on expat Substack (https://substack.com/@bettycarlson/note/c-76693643) about a couple from San Francisco who moved to France and are now returning to the US because they were shocked to discover that France is a) not America, and b) learning to live in another culture and speak another language is hard. They are getting roasted, but I feel sorry for them--they had no idea what they signed up for, poor lambs.
Omg, she criticized french food ! I take great offence 🤣 I mean, I live between Nîmes and Montpellier where she was and I am appaled that she didn't go to markets, there are everywhere! Especially in the south, there are vegetable and fruit stalls by local farmers, by the road ar every corner ! Damn it Joanna 🤣
HA! I guess she was happier at Franprix, wilted celery and all.
Yeah tastier, I may need to try more often 😆
🤣 thanks, I'll read it.